"On the morning of the third day there were thunder and lightnings because all the losers had had their way, and a thick cloud upon the mountain and a very loud trumpet blast similar to one of my ribbon cutting ceremonies that I gave to the people. It was much bigger, but my celebrations are pretty good and kinda remind you of these dark days. All the people who were in the camp trembled similar to the ovation in Cleveland after my acceptance speech.
Then Moses, who is a distant relative of the Trump family and was a great leader of his people, brought the people out of the camp to meet God; and they took their stand at the foot of the mountain in a similar way that people wait for me when I touchdown at an airport. And Mount Sinai, the place in the Middle East not the hospital in Manhattan, was wrapped in smoke, because the Lord descended upon it in fire, which is a great trick almost like figuring out how to eliminate rent control in an apartment building. Oh yeah, the whole mountain quaked greatly or so the crooked media reported. I am not saying that the quaking of a mountain wasn't amazing, but I am saying that people are saying this might not have happened with all the quaking and stuff. And as the sound of the trumpets grew louder, my Great Great Great Great Great Grandfather Moses spoke, and God answered in thunder much like the thunder of my appearance in Wrestlemania XII and my fight with Vince McMahon...that I won by the way and he had to shave his head. And the Lord came down upon Mount Sinai, the place in the Middle East not the town in Indiana where I held my first rally after selecting my Vice President. It was one of the biggest rallies in the state's history. And the Lord called Moses to the top of the mountain, and Moses went up. And the Lord said to Moses, 'Go down and warn the people, lest they break through the Lord to gaze and many of them die like we are all going to if we do not stop all this immigration.'
And my distant relative Moses said to the Lord...which by the way, do you realize how hard it is to get an audience with God? It is like trying to get a hotel room at the beautiful new Trump Hotel down near the White House, which by the way I renovated under budget and without any problems. God would probably say it is flawless. Anyway, Moses said to the Lord, 'put up a boundary or wall to keep people off the mountain.' This is where I got the idea to build a wall on the Southern border. Some might say it was divinely inspired, but I don't know about those things. The Lord said, 'Go down, and come up bringing Aaron with you; but do not let the priests and the people break through that wall I told you to build. Make it taller than you can ever imagine, but make it the best wall ever.'
So Moses went down to the people similar to my ride down the escalator when I announced I was running for leader of the world. Moses said, 'Here is what the Lord told me because I am such an amazing business person:'
1. I am the Lord your God...by the way, isn't that a great way of talking by God. What a guy, am I right? You shall have no other gods before me. You know what I am talking about?
2. You shall not make yourself graven images or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above. This is mostly because the crooked media will always portray great men or gods in the worst possible light. I mean, they put up photos that make men look really bad, so God just said no images what so ever to avoid this problem that I have seen first hand. You know how I suffer to make America great. You shall not bow down to them or serve them like nearly every recent President has done. Give me a break. For I the Lord your God am a jealous God. You know like when you find out your neighbor has a bigger pool that is what God is talking about.
3. You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain, so let me just tell you a secret, just say the word Gosh and you won't go wrong.
4. Remember the sabbath day to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but on the seventh day is dedicated to the Lord. Just take the day off and think about God. You don't have to go to church or donate or do stuff like that, just take some time off to go out on your yacht.
5. Honor your father and put him on a pedestal. He is the ticket to success so make sure you compliment him and praise everything he does.
6. You shall not kill, obviously. C'mon, if you do not know this then you really should not be allowed in the country. This is everything am I right?
7. You shall not commit adultery unless both parties agree to it. Women must remain faithful to their spouse, but that is really impossible for men because of our nature. God understands that and takes all that into account with this highly technical commandment.
8. You shall not steal in the broadest sense of the word. This takes some explaining because it is complicated...This does not mean stuff like 'that was such a great deal it was a steal' or 'you stole that right out from under my nose.' This is not that you drive down wages that you are actually "stealing" from the workers. Actually, this is easy; it is only stealing if you get caught. If others make it so easy to have their stuff removed it is not a violation of the commandment. It is complicated but smart people understand it. You understand this don't you?
9. You should not bear false witness against your neighbor unless they start things first. Like, if they put up signs about your golf course first then it is entirely acceptable to say whatever you want. If you are defending yourself then all is fair game. Also, this is limited to those who live right next to your primary residence, so what is that, two or three neighbors?
10. You shall not covet your neighbors wife or their servants or anything that is your neighbors. Keep your coveting to yourself. Once your coveting becomes public it is bad for everyone. Keep that stuff private, maybe you tell Billy Bush, but make sure you are not being recorded.
It is really difficult for most people to understand. That is why I had it written down and I edited it for you. It took a long time to put this together for you, but I am willing to do anything for you."
by Max Johnson
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